The Babylon Bee
Culture • News • Comedy
Fake news you can trust.
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
Penguin Random House Announces Revised Dr. Seuss Book 'Oh, The People You'll Cancel!'

NEW YORK, NY—Penguin Random House has announced a revised, more socially acceptable version of the popular Dr. Seuss book Oh, the Places You'll Go, which was pulled from store shelves for racism and also for the suggestion that you should go places during a pandemic.

Here is part of the revised text provided by the publisher:

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to find bad tweets!
You're off and away!

You have a journalism degree,
And Twitter's search function,
You can go find bad guys,
And throw 'em into a dungeon.
You're a journalist now, and you know what to do,
Go find dead racists, like ol' Dr. Seuss.

You'll look up and down tweets. Look at 'em with care.
About some you will say, "This is racist, I swear!"
With your pen full of ink and your Macbook in tow,
You'll write fiery op-eds saying, "Burn this book, bro!"

And you'll cancel old authors
And bad butter mascots
And racist sports logos
And gendered potatoes.

"Do better!" you'll say,
And they'll all go away.

Out there in the world,
There are no safe spaces,
People of color need you,
To protect their own races.

And when you see something
That you don't really like,
Take a deep breath
And go scream at the sky.

OH!
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL CANCEL!

Purchasing the new version of Oh, the Places You'll Go! after burning your old copy is, of course, mandatory, the publisher confirmed at publishing time.

post photo preview
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
What else you may like…
Videos
Posts
🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
September 06, 2026

As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)

May 09, 2026

UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion

"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."

https://babylonbee.com/news/ufo-files-reveal-aliens-here-and-already-defrauded-minnesota-for-20-billion

May 09, 2026

Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws

"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."

https://babylonbee.com/news/democrat-effort-to-retake-congress-once-again-thwarted-by-existence-of-laws

Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals