ALBANY, NY—New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's political career is in freefall after new allegations of sexual misconduct from several women. In a desperate attempt to divert attention from the embarrassing sex scandal, Cuomo took to the airwaves today to remind everyone of the time he killed a bunch of seniors in nursing homes.
"Listen people-- I know there are some accusations against me out there, but can we focus on the real issues?" said Cuomo to a roomful of reporters who had recently received a memo telling them it was time to stop protecting the governor.
"I mean, there's this whole thing with New York nursing homes! Wow! Looks pretty bad, huh? I guess some people died! Some of you should forget this whole #MeToo scandal thing and look into that!"
The media dismissed the nursing home scandal as "old news" and decided instead to dig up some more salacious strip poker stories.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
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Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
