DALLAS, TX—Only hours after Governor Greg Abbott's decision to lift the Texas mask mandate, thousands of Neanderthals descended on downtown Dallas for a fun night of eating, drinking, and dancing. Meanwhile, thousands of civilized, progressive Texans hid in dark caves to protect themselves from coronavirus.
"Oog like steak! Oog like beer! Oog like loud music at concert!" said Oog, a Neanderthal. "Oog dance and sing with best friends! Oog happy!"
"This is so reckless and irresponsible," said local progressive Florian Von Cinnamon from beneath his 7 masks as he huddled in a damp cave. "Neanderthal thinking will literally kill us all. I'm literally shaking right now-- because I'm cold. How do you make fire again?"
Experts warn that if things continue, the state may be overrun by happy Neanderthals as all the civilized people move back to California.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
