ALEXANDRIA, VA—After decades of progressive work for meaningful change, local man Chxd Bxrnx sat down in this new utopia to enjoy some carb-free pancakes with ethnically neutral maple syrup and generic, non-native American-related butter while watching the Washington football team play.
According to sources, progressives have managed to remove all the last vestiges of problematicness from the world. Thanks to their efforts, there are no references to race, ethnicity, or gender in all of culture.
"Man, (and womxn!), this is the life!" said Bxrnx before saying a quick prayer of lament to the Earth for robbing her of her bounty and sitting down to eat. As he dug in, his menstruating life partner read a children's book consisting entirely of the letter "X" to his agender offspring, as the family recently burned all their Dr. Seuss books. His older agender offspring sat in a nearby room playing with a gender-neutral potato head.
Unfortunately, Bxrnx's relaxing afternoon was cut short after his Amazon Alexa caught him whistling "Camptown Races" to himself, which is a problematic minstrel tune.
Authorities quickly arrived to haul him off to the gulags for a lesson in racial sensitivity.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
