AUSTIN, TX—As Texas removed its mask mandate this week, many progressives were shocked to learn that they could still wear masks. Having been led to believe that the end of the mask mandate would mean all masks everywhere would disappear like all those people in Infinity War, he was surprised to find that his mask hadn't yet been dusted from existence.
"It's so weird -- I can still wear 2, 3, or even 4 masks at once. Bizarre!" said Austin progressive activist Frank Miles as the sun rose and his mask was still firmly in place on his face, exactly as it had been all night. "I don't know what to think about this! Sometimes I just sit around and wait for a notification to pop up on my phone with the l latest government advisory on how many masks I should wear, if I should get the vaccine, and whether I should wear pants."
Progressives across the state, however, began to grow worried that they would now have to start to make their own decisions about their health. What's worse, they would have to take responsibility for their actions when it comes to where they go, whether or not they mask, and whether or not they social distance.
"If the government doesn't force me to wear a mask, how will I ever make my own decisions about what's best for me and my health? Oh no!" said one woman as she looked outside and saw children playing. "Children! Having fun! I'm staying inside today!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."