Millennials are getting to be in their 30s and 40s, so it's time for them to start thinking about moving out of their parents' houses. A few years after that, they may start looking to have kids.
We've got the perfect name for your kids, millennials, based on the hottest trends among millennial child-raisers:
Braxtaidenleigh - It's got an exotic X, it's androgynous, it spells "lee" with an "eigh" for that "wow" factor. In a word, it's perfect.
Hermionebellakhaleesi - Just mash together all your favorite stunning and brave feminist icons. Works for a boy or a girl.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx - Speaking of exotic X's, leave a lot to the imagination by just naming your kid a long string of X's in a row.
Mason Jar - Name your kid after your favorite rustic decoration. It'll remind you of your wedding, which you had in a barn.
Rose - Name your child Rose after your favorite Last Jedi character.
Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino - Nothing is more iconic for the millennial generation like the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino. Why not name a kid after it?
Kombuchoulson - Mysterious, aloof, unique as a snowflake: Kombuchoulson will be the talk of his class growing up, we guarantee it.
Ross - Name them after everyone's favorite Friends character. Perfect for a middle child. Boy or girl.
Stimmy - Name them after that sweet stimulus check you've been waiting on for just about their entire nine months in the womb.
Finally, consider letting your parents name them, since they're probably paying for them anyway - It would be a nice gesture.
There you have it. Get busy and make some babies! Well, as long as you're married. And you definitely want to wait until you're at least 40 before you start thinking about it. You don't want to be a weirdo!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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