DETROIT, MI—In a press release this week, Fiat Chrysler announced they will be suing Cherokee tribal leaders for using the Jeep Cherokee name without their permission.
"The Jeep Cherokee has been a proud tradition for decades," said Michael Manley, CEO of the company. "I just found out this tribe of people from the American South has been appropriating the name of our flagship SUV without asking for it first and it must stop."
"They can pick literally any other name they want -- 'Cherry Tree', 'Chickadee,' I dunno. They just can't use the name 'Cherokee.'"
According to sources, Jeep has sent an army of lawyers to deliver a "cease and desist" letter to the Cherokee tribal council. The tribe will be required to change their name or face costly legal battles.
The tribe is vowing to fight the army of lawyers to the last man.
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."