CHICAGO, IL—According to sources, local business analyst Abby Staughton has finally escaped the shackles of the patriarchy to find freedom and worth in an 80-hour work working for an overbearing boss.
"This is true happiness," said Staughton as she sat through her fourth meeting of the day discussing first-quarter sales figures for Melcorp Corporation. "My feminist ancestors fought so I could answer to 12 different middle managers in a thankless job before going home to an empty apartment and drinking wine. I have reached the pinnacle of womanhood."
Staughton has said that while she has to deal with unreasonable demands from male co-workers and sometimes even sexual harassment, at least she doesn't have to live a boring life of homemaking with a husband and kids.
"I don't want all that domestic suburban bliss because that's not feminist," she said aloud as she daydreamed about being barefoot in the kitchen with a rich lumberjack husband.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to redo the cover sheets on these TPS reports before my boss threatens to fire me again."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
