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Biden Finally Visits ‘On The Border’ To See Crisis Everyone's Talking About

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After hearing there was a crisis on the border, a confused Joe Biden visited the On the Border Mexican Grill and Cantina near him to see what all the fuss was about. After surveying the restaurant and enjoying the faux Tex-Mex experience, the president said he was happy to report that there is no crisis on the border to speak of.

"I don't see any crisis here -- just delicious bottomless chips and salsa!" he said as he arrived at the restaurant. "Not a kid in a cage in sight -- all the kids here have great kids' menu selections and fun crayons and coloring book activities! What a great time for all!"

Biden also reported that On the Border had fantastic senior discounts and giant margarita choices that made for a "real hoot of a time -- it's a real gas!"

The media quickly praised Biden's handling of the On the Border crisis, pointing out that Trump never bothered going to On the Border during his presidency.

At publishing time, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had arrived to take a selfie of her crying at On the Border.

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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