WASHINGTON D.C.—In an extraordinary act of bravery and heroism, a Secret Service agent dove in front of Biden to block a question from a pesky reporter.
As Biden slowly stepped out of his vehicle, a nosy reporter rudely attempted to ask him intrusive questions about things that were none of her business.
"Nooooooooooo!" said agent James Carter as the CBS reporter raised her hand to ask a completely inappropriate question-- possibly about the Middle East, or executive orders. Carter ran up to the president, arms outstretched, and dove through the air to shield the president from the incoming query.
"It's like everything went into slow motion," said Agent Carter. "My training kicked in and I leapt into action. I'm just happy I was able to make a difference."
Carter took the entire force of the blow from the incoming question before collapsing to the ground.
"Hey-- lookie there, they fly now!" said President Biden. "Hey there young man, would you mind not flying in front of me while I exit my vehicle? I have to get to the Oval Office in time for Matlock."
The Secret Service agent sustained minor injuries but is grateful to have saved the president from a reporter's unwelcome question.
"Just doing my job," he said.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"Even though she was on the losing team, the team that got curb-stomped by Donald Trump, Vice President Harris did participate, and no one can ever take that away from her," said Biden. "With this medal, we recognize that you were here. Congratulations."
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-honors-kamala-harris-with-presidential-medal-of-participation
After multiple recent instances of Army veterans committing horrific acts of violence, the Pentagon decided an overhaul of the application system was in order. "Perhaps we should begin checking if people are deranged psychopaths before we show them how to build bombs," said Richardson to fellow military brass. "Oh, we could also ask if they are schizophrenic and hear voices telling them to blow themselves up. That would be good, huh?"
"This is on you, America," explained Wilson from the site of the latest terrorist attack. "You left this man no choice but to murder innocent people because of your negativity. I hope you take a long, hard look in the mirror and think about why you did this. You disgust me, America."