WASHINGTON, D.C.—After March 4th came and went with no right-wing violence at the U.S. Capitol, leftist conspiracy theorists are still expressing faith that the prophesied violence from Trump supporters will happen any day now.
"The end is near! The end is near!" chanted one crazy conspiracy theorist as he paced in front of the Capitol fence with a wooden sign. "QAnon is coming! They will descend upon the Capitol in 40 days unless Americans repent for questioning the spotless integrity of the election!"
"It is a deranged conspiracy theory to think that Trump terrorists won't storm the Capitol again any day now," said Jake Tapper, another well-known conspiracy theorist, and part-time satirist. "We must be prepared. We must repent."
According to experts, scientists, and expert scientists, the prophecy of further QAnon violence is an indisputable scientific fact. "We calculated the first date wrong, but we know it will be happening soon," said Garv Donglebuttz, a scientist.
"If you deny the prophecy," he continued, "you must be canceled. FLY FROM THE WRATH TO COME!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."