U.S.—Millions are selling off their Bitcoin in order to invest in Dr. Seuss books, financial analysts are confirming today, leading to a major crash in the cryptocurrency.
The banned books are becoming a hot commodity, with millions liquidating all their other assets to invest in them. Many cashed out their 401Ks and other retirement accounts in order to buy more Dr. Seuss books, convinced that their future will only be secure when all their cash is tied up in Dr. Seuss.
"Bitcoin is out -- Dr. Seuss books are hot! Buy, buy, buy!" one man shouted at his broker over the phone. "Let's liquidate all our cryptocurrency and go for Dr. Seuss! I want Mulberry Street, I want If I Ran the Zoo, I even want McElligot's Pool! Buy them all!"
Everyone who's invested in Bitcoin spent the day frantically trying to get in on the big sell-off, with many struggling to do so as they still don't 100% understand what exactly Bitcoin is or how it works.
The move has proven to be smart, as the U.S. dollar lost 10% of its value upon the printing of another $2 trillion today. Bitcoin also had a rough day as everyone cashed out for Dr. Seuss books, with Bitcoin dipping to $20,000 -- no, wait, $35,000 -- no, wait, $72,272 -- no, wait, it's back to $20,000 again -- before the end of the business day.
Dogecoin, however, is still predicted to go "to the moon" due to the meme factor.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
