WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a press conference today, Press Secretary Jen Psaki attempted a Jedi mind trick on the reporters present after they asked her about the crisis at the border.
After a reporter asked the question, Psaki closed her eyes as though in meditation, then slowly lifted a hand and waved it in front of the crowd.
"This isn't the border crisis you're looking for. Joe can go about his business. Move along," she said as she continued her mystical gestures designed to use the power of the Force to manipulate the minds of the journalists. "Take our word for it. That will do fine."
Shockingly, the maneuver seemed to work, as the journalists present all nodding along and repeated, "There is no border crisis. Joe can go about his business. Move along." However, one OANN reporter didn't seem to be affected and replied, "What? You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? Mind tricks don't work on me!"
At publishing time, thousands of migrant children had suddenly cried out in terror at the border but were suddenly silenced.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
