WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a press conference today, Press Secretary Jen Psaki attempted a Jedi mind trick on the reporters present after they asked her about the crisis at the border.
After a reporter asked the question, Psaki closed her eyes as though in meditation, then slowly lifted a hand and waved it in front of the crowd.
"This isn't the border crisis you're looking for. Joe can go about his business. Move along," she said as she continued her mystical gestures designed to use the power of the Force to manipulate the minds of the journalists. "Take our word for it. That will do fine."
Shockingly, the maneuver seemed to work, as the journalists present all nodding along and repeated, "There is no border crisis. Joe can go about his business. Move along." However, one OANN reporter didn't seem to be affected and replied, "What? You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? Mind tricks don't work on me!"
At publishing time, thousands of migrant children had suddenly cried out in terror at the border but were suddenly silenced.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
