WASHINGTON, D.C.—A group of cartel members presented Joe Biden with its prestigious "Human Trafficker of the Month" award today, marking the third month in a row the new president has received the award.
Democrat presidents are constant recipients of the honor, usually winning the award many dozens of times throughout their time in office, and Biden appears to be no exception so far. The award honors an individual who does a great job at ensuring that thousands more children and vulnerable Central American and Mexican residents will be smuggled across the border each and every day. The cartel cited Biden's immigration policies and disastrous handling of the border crisis as key factors in their decision to give the award to him once again.
"El Presidente Biden es muy bueno!" said one narco as he handed Biden the plaque. "We thank you, Mr. Preisdent, for your lax border policies and promises of free money for migrants that is allowing us to smuggle them across the border in record numbers. You are truly a friend to the cartel." The drug kingpin then pulled out his revolver and fired it into the air, a custom that represents bestowing honor and praise upon an individual in the cartel community -- usually reserved for drug dealers who have an exceptionally good month.
Biden thanked them for the award and then got his phone out to play "Despacito" in their honor.
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"It is time for these people to pay for their crimes," said FBI Director Christopher Wray in a brief statement regarding the raids. "We have spent several years surveilling these dangerous people and warning the public about them. Now they have struck a devastating blow to our country by electing Trump. We are going to take swift action to deal with them."
https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-to-raid-homes-of-all-75000000-people-who-conspired-to-elect-trump
"This group is, without a doubt, one of the most useless bunches of government excess that one can imagine," Elon Musk noted in a post to X. "Records show that they have not done a single productive thing in decades. Totally, completely surplus — fat just begging to be trimmed right there."
"Tulsi Gabbard as head of National Intelligence? Really?" said a flabbergasted John Bolton who previously served as Trump's National Security Advisor. "She doesn't have any experience sitting around Washington for years being a corrupt waste of space. We can't have that!"