BOULDER, CO—According to sources, local high-school senior and avowed radical communist Kazden McChitterly is "a bit unsettled" after discovering the hammer and sickle from the insignia he proudly wears on his t-shirts and knit hats represents hard physical labor.
"Wait-- that's an actual hammer? Like the kind you swing?" said McChitterly nervously. "Like-- you have to use it while doing really difficult work? I don't know about this."
Witnesses say he grew even more uncomfortable when he found out about the sickle. "I thought it was just a weapon used to gloriously cut down our capitalist foes!" he exclaimed after discovering it was actually used to gather grain for the government during 20-hour workdays in the bitter cold.
"I'm not sure about this communism thing anymore," he said. "Sounds kinda hard."
He relaxed, however, after his history teacher explained that "democratic communism" hasn't yet been tried and is way better than the old communism that involved a lot of work and starvation.
"Whew! That sounds better!" said McChitterly.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Parents Struggle to Find Non Woke Kids' Entertainment
These parents just want to let their little one learn basic shapes and colors, but he's about to get a lesson in standing up to patriarchal power structures through expressions of gender non-conformity. Not good.https://odysee.com/@TheBabylonBee:7/parents-struggle-to-find-non-woke-kids':1
Hero: Illinois Governor Vows To Eat An Extra-Large Deep-Dish Meat Lover's Pizza Every Day Until Trump Is Stopped
"You look at Ghandi — he probably fasted at some point," Pritzker told reporters, as he unbuttoned his coat and reluctantly picked up his fifth piece of deep dish. "So I thought, Why don't I do that, except the opposite, and for a different cause of justice? President Trump, believe you me — I will never stop eating one entire extra large deep dish meat lovers pizza a day until you cease your tyrannical abuses of power and change your ways."I like this idea
White House Reporters Mystified By Press Secretary Who Answers Questions
"What… what is this madness?" asked Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy. "I should go get myself checked out by a doctor. I must be hallucinating. I had some type of waking dream today where I was in the White House briefing room, and there was this blonde woman there. And… and I asked her a question… and she just… answered. She just answered the question. There is no way it was real, right? That does not happen, does it?"https://babylonbee.com/news/white-house-reporters-mystified-by-press-secretary-who-answers-questions
