U.S.—For millennia, most people looked at Cain as a villain for killing his brother Abel. However, some historians and environmental experts are now suggesting Cain has been unfairly treated by the history books.
"When you think about it from an environmental standpoint," said scientist Juni Pedersen, "Cain actually reduced the carbon footprint of the human race by 25% when he killed the CO2-exhaling Abel, leaving just him and his two parents. Not even the Paris Climate Accords could hope to achieve those numbers. When you think about it that way, what Cain did was quite an accomplishment."
Some scholars took issue with this new way of looking at the first murder since killing people is generally frowned upon by most cultures, but environmentalists were quick to point out that there weren't any laws against killing people when the killing happened.
"Can we really even say Cain did anything wrong? There were no laws on the books at the time," said Pedersen.
"When you look at the exponential growth of the human race, offing Abel may have delayed the climate catastrophe by thousands of years!"
Bernie Sanders quickly seized on the conversation, introducing new legislation to allow hitting people with rocks until carbon emissions are reduced by 25%.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
