WORLD—In defiance of changing cultural norms, the Creator of the universe stubbornly announced his plans to stay the same forever, no matter what anyone says.
"I am the same yesterday, today, and forever," The Almighty reportedly said to the writer of Hebrews chapter 13, apparently unaware that times have changed and many people think His views are outdated. "Do not be led astray by strange and diverse teachings," He went on to say, obviously indifferent to the pain his close-minded words were causing.
"It's inexcusable that God has refused to update his views to keep in step with our changing cultural norms," said one local man whose views have changed 23 times in the last 10 years. "He hasn't even updated his holy book in 2000 years! Let's move on already!"
When pressed for comment on whether he has plans to update his written word any time soon, The Almighty simply replied saying, "All flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever."
Scholars have roughly translated this to mean: "Nah-- I'm good."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."