VATICAN—Amid the international controversy surrounding Catholic priests blessing same-sex unions, Pope Francis decided to explore the archives and consult an ancient book called the Bible to make sure he was getting it right.
"Whew, it's been a little while since I opened up this bad boy!" he said. "Let me see here..."
As soon as he opened up the book, a massive cloud of dust and debris catapulted off the cover, out the window, and into the clear Vatican sky
"Mamma Mia!" exclaimed several onlookers. "The Holy Father! He's reading the Bible!"
The dust continued to rise into the sky, obscuring the sun and causing thousands of local residents to gasp for breath.
"Why didn't he warn us he was going to open the book?" people cried as they scattered in all directions, trying to avoid what was now a powerful sandstorm heading their way.
The Pope read the book for a while, and after determining none of the teachings had changed since he last opened it, put it back on the shelf and announced the Catholic church would not be changing its doctrine-- at least until the Pope announces the meanings of the words have changed in light of modern interpretation.
"Maybe next year," said Francis.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
