WASHINGTON D.C.—A big question on everyone’s mind is when they will finally be able to stop wearing masks. President Joe Biden recently clarified this issue, saying people will be able to stop wearing masks as soon as absolutely everyone “has learned complete obedience to the government.”
“Both the federal and local governments have given you lots of different rules,” Biden told the press, “and all we want is for you to follow them unquestioningly. When people are still saying, ‘this rule is arbitrary,’ or, ‘this doesn’t make any sense with known science,’ then you’re still not ready and will have to keep wearing your masks.”
Biden further explained that removing mask mandates has nothing to do with how many people are vaccinated or anything else scientific or rational. “This is about demonstrating that you will do whatever we say whenever we say it,” Biden said. “When people are still talking about ‘liberty,’ then you’re just not ready. When the Constitution is in ashes, then you have my permission to die... to take off your mask, I mean.”
Some reporters tried to ask questions, but this only further angered Biden, as he had told them there would be no questions, and those reporters were forced to double-mask as penance.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."