Every time something bad happens, we start thinking, "What was the real motivation here? Was this just a terrible tragedy, or was it really... [dramatic pause] ... WHITE SUPREMACY?" The answer of course, is almost always white supremacy, but we still have to ask.
Here are nine disasters from history that were actually motivated by white supremacy:
1. The Ice Age - Evil white ice decided to dominate the globe, spreading its racist glaciers everywhere. Truly despicable.
2. The sinking of the Titanic - Just when we thought the white ice was defeated, white supremacy sunk the Titanic, killing 1,500 people.
3. That time the Starbucks barista got your order wrong - When you asked for skim milk and they gave you 2%, that was a clear example of white supremacy at work.
4. D-Day - Evil white men from America, Canada, Britain, and various other predominantly white countries attacked Germany, oppressively implying that their moral values weren't as good as the white man's.
5. The Eruption of Mount Vesuvius - A lot of people died, so probably white supremacy.
6. The Fukushima nuclear disaster - An anti-Asian hate crime motivated by white supremacy if ever we've seen one.
7. That game of Catan where your friend played as white and totally jacked Longest Road from you and hatefully colonized Catan, oppressing the natives and getting ten victory points before you. - Your orange colony of color was just minding its own business when your buddy ruthlessly oppressed you.
8. Thanos's snap - Well, this one's more purple supremacy, but still.
9. Anything bad that has ever happened - Finally, just to make sure we have all our bases covered, anything bad that has ever happened that we missed.
What other disasters do you know of that were motivated by white supremacy? Let us know in the comments if you have a Babylon Bee subscription. Or, if you're poor, just shout at your screen.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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