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Biden Announces Ambitious Goal Of Having A Vaccine For Polio By May 1

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden has come out strongly against the scourge of the poliovirus this week as his administration announced an ambitious goal of developing a vaccine for polio by May 1st, 2021.

“Polio outbreaks have been disabling more than 35,000 people each year, people are scared to leave their house without a mask, and in a modern first-world country like the United States of America there is no reason for that,” declared the President. “We have got to do better, especially if we are going to be strong and healthy enough to counter the threat from the Soviets.”

The Biden administration decried the amount of precious time wasted by the outgoing Trump administration, who didn’t talk about Polio at all with the American public.

“If we all combine our efforts, our industrial and scientific know-how, I know all us Americans can come out on top, just like we did in our last war against the Nazis and the Japanese. If we don’t have any malarkey we may even someday see a return to normalcy like outdoor community gatherings, perhaps even in time for our Independence Day.”

Researchers at America’s top pharmaceutical companies have confirmed that they will have enough polio vaccine for the entire nation by Biden’s ambitious deadline.

At publishing time, President Biden was being brought up to speed on the cold war with the Soviet Union and the launch of Sputnik.

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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