DONNA, TX—After disturbing pictures were released of conditions inside migrant detention facilities on the border, Senator Ted Cruz donned a bright white suit and visited the border with a camera crew to weep bitterly outside the chain-link fence.
"I'm here to see what's really going on down here," said Cruz, tears streaming down his face. "It's even worse than I thought. These are literal concentration camps. The President is literally Hitler. I can't believe this is happening in America."
Cruz then doubled over, overcome with grief as camera flashes went off.
"WHHHYYYYYYYY? Oh, the humanity!" he cried, screaming toward the sky.
The Texas senator then shared the photos on social media so the world could share in his righteous indignation. Unfortunately, Twitter and Facebook suspended his account for taking unauthorized photos of a federal facility.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
