DONNA, TX—After disturbing pictures were released of conditions inside migrant detention facilities on the border, Senator Ted Cruz donned a bright white suit and visited the border with a camera crew to weep bitterly outside the chain-link fence.
"I'm here to see what's really going on down here," said Cruz, tears streaming down his face. "It's even worse than I thought. These are literal concentration camps. The President is literally Hitler. I can't believe this is happening in America."
Cruz then doubled over, overcome with grief as camera flashes went off.
"WHHHYYYYYYYY? Oh, the humanity!" he cried, screaming toward the sky.
The Texas senator then shared the photos on social media so the world could share in his righteous indignation. Unfortunately, Twitter and Facebook suspended his account for taking unauthorized photos of a federal facility.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."