ANN ARBOR, MI—According to sources, some residents of a local upper-class suburb have accumulated "Black Lives Matter", "Hispanic Lives Matter", and "Asian Lives Matter" signs in their perfectly manicured front yards. Experts warn, however, that with the addition of more people groups every day, they are getting dangerously close to saying "All Lives Matter."
"We need to guard against this," said local sociology professor Dr. Cam Duncatilly as she added a "Trans Lives Matter" and "Indigenous Lives Matter" sign in her front yard. "We have to make sure that as we add more minorities, we stop short of the damnable heresy of 'All Lives Matter.'"
Some scientists have warned that affluent white suburbanites could run out of lawn space for all the signs very soon.
"Limited space is a growing concern," said Duncatilly-- who also identifies as a scientist.
Thankfully, a solution has been proposed to help cut down on yard signage. Many have discovered they can get the same message across by putting up a single sign that simply says "White Men Are The Worst".
Brilliant!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."