The Babylon Bee
Culture • News • Comedy
Fake news you can trust.
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
Jen Psaki Plays Morning Round Of Dodgeball To Prepare For Press Conference

WASHINGTON, D.C.—White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki has revealed her secret to how she so masterfully handles every White House press briefing. Her key to success comes from early morning sessions of playing dodgeball.

“Every morning I wake up at 5am to play a rigorous 3-hour game of dodgeball to warm up for press briefings,” explained Jen Psaki. “It’s a cutthroat world out there when I’m not being tossed softball questions, and I have to find new ways to dodge them. I have to be prepared for anything!”

“It’s like my dear mentor and coach Patches O'Houlihan always says: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge straightforward, easy to answer questions about the President’s administration.”

“Again!” said her coach, launching dodgeballs labeled ‘Border Crisis’, ‘Is Biden Alive?’, and ‘Unchecked National Debt’ directly at her. “You have to be ready for this! Now faster next time.”

Jen Psaki proceeded to duck, dive and dodge like a true champion. “I’ll circle back on that!” she shouted masterfully spinning out of the way when asked why gas prices are skyrocketing.

At publishing time, Jen Psaki expressed her hope to keep her "Days since answering a question in a meaningful, informative way" record going for at least the next 4 years.

post photo preview
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
What else you may like…
Videos
Posts
🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
May 09, 2026

UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion

"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."

https://babylonbee.com/news/ufo-files-reveal-aliens-here-and-already-defrauded-minnesota-for-20-billion

May 09, 2026

Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws

"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."

https://babylonbee.com/news/democrat-effort-to-retake-congress-once-again-thwarted-by-existence-of-laws

May 08, 2026

Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote

"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."

https://babylonbee.com/news/virginia-considering-new-measure-that-just-makes-it-illegal-for-republicans-to-vote

Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals