U.S.—Service stations across the country have begun widening their signs in preparation for higher gas prices, sources confirmed Thursday.
The wider signs allow for prices up to eight digits long, "an absolute necessity" for the Biden presidency, according to local fuel station franchise owners.
"We're gonna need a bigger sign," gas station owner Amir Wallenfeld said in an interview with a local news station in Los Angeles. "This should get us through the first few years of the Biden presidency, though we're looking for a bigger one should he be reelected in 2024, should he live that long."
"There, that oughtta do it," he said as he updated the price of regular gasoline to $82.89. "Oh, wait, no -- sorry, just got an alert on my phone." He then climbed up and added a "1" to the front of the price. "It's a good thing we thought ahead!"
Sources have also confirmed that the national debt clock will be widened to prepare for Biden's coming spending policies.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
