HYRULE CASTLE—Politician and sword control activist Ganondorf once again made a plea to the people of Hyrule today, calling for common-sense Master Sword control.
"If any kid can just waltz into the Temple of Time and get the Master Sword with just three paltry gems -- we have a huge problem in this country," he said, holding back tears. "It is harder to register to vote in Hyrule than it is to get the Master Sword. Mostly, that's because we're a monarchy. But still, the point stands."
"We must get these dangerous assault swords off the streets if our kids are going to be safe once again."
Ganondorf then showed footage of the damage just one assault sword can do. A boy wielding the Master Sword was seen attacking chickens, breaking pottery and stealing the gems within, and cutting down many small shrubberies.
There wasn't a dry eye in the place as the lights came back up.
"Enough is enough," Ganondorf said. "We must end this plague of Master Sword attacks once and for all."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."