U.S.—The Biden Administration is hard at work putting together a vaccine passport program that will help society more effectively separate the good vaccinated people from the bad, gross, scary unvaccinated ones. To make things super convenient, vaccinated individuals will be given the opportunity to tattoo the passport's 2D barcode on their hand or forehead.
"What a great idea!" said Jibby Tillygoober, local vaccinated man. "Now everyone will know I'm completely safe to be around and it's virtually impossible for me to get them sick! Wow! I'm such a good person!"
Those who refuse the vaccine and passport will be prohibited from buying or selling anything. They will also be barred from select businesses such as restaurants, planes, gas stations, banks, grocery stores, and most Chuck E. Cheese locations. They will also be cast out of the city limits and stoned to death, and their homes and crops burned to the ground for good measure.
In spite of some naysayers, Biden defended the vaccine passport program, saying: "Now to go around... well, anyway, uh-- real simple for the kiddos in the, uh, how-- ahhh, I shouldn't say that. So, gotta go now!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."