U.S.—With Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg proposing a national tax based on how many miles you drive in your car, budget-minded drivers will be able to activate new features in their cars that will warn them when they're about to exceed their budgeted miles for the month.
"This is a great way to keep the poors from driving too much," said Buttigieg. "Er- I mean... to ensure social justice and equity on the roads! Yeah!"
Experts predict the proposed tax will encourage the country bumpkins in rural areas to move to the city and become good, public transportation-using liberals.
"We don't really know what those country folk are doing outside the city with all that driving," said the Transportation Secretary. "Probably going to barn-raisings and corn shuckings and racist "Q" meetings and Bible studies. They don't need all that. Bad for the environment."
New mandates will require all cars to be equipped with Buttigieg's special "mileage limit indicators" by 2022. Drivers will be able to insert cash or a credit card if they wish to keep driving.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."