EL PASO, TX—With Biden's border facilities becoming more crowded by the hour, the U.S. is facing a severe shortage of tin foil, since-- according to ICE, immigrants prefer to sleep wrapped up in it. In response, followers of "Q" have generously agreed to donate extra tin foil hats to address the urgent need.
"It's the least I can do," said local QAnon chapter president Dave Smith. "I feel for those poor kids. I just hope they can all escape that border facility before Tom Hanks eats them all."
According to "Q" members, the tin foil will protect migrants from the cold-- as well as cosmic radiation, mind control, vaccine-infected zombies, and Jeffrey Epstein, in case he's still alive.
Officials are warning, however, that if the crisis on the border isn't fixed soon, they'll have to start using Saran Wrap.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
