EL PASO, TX—With Biden's border facilities becoming more crowded by the hour, the U.S. is facing a severe shortage of tin foil, since-- according to ICE, immigrants prefer to sleep wrapped up in it. In response, followers of "Q" have generously agreed to donate extra tin foil hats to address the urgent need.
"It's the least I can do," said local QAnon chapter president Dave Smith. "I feel for those poor kids. I just hope they can all escape that border facility before Tom Hanks eats them all."
According to "Q" members, the tin foil will protect migrants from the cold-- as well as cosmic radiation, mind control, vaccine-infected zombies, and Jeffrey Epstein, in case he's still alive.
Officials are warning, however, that if the crisis on the border isn't fixed soon, they'll have to start using Saran Wrap.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."