WASHINGTON, D.C.—Standing before a massive crowd of cardboard cutouts of Jim Acosta, Jim Acosta humbly accepted ‘The Jim Acosta Award For Courageous And Handsome Journalism’ from himself.
The award ceremony lasted over thirty minutes due to the multiple components of the award Jim Acosta accepted from Jim Acosta:
The Jim Acosta Trophy of Distinguished Journalism adorned with an engraved image of Jim Acosta.
The Jim Acosta Medal of Journalistic Valor, also engraved with Jim Acosta’s likeness.
The Jim Acosta Commemorative T-Shirt, which lists, in 12-point font, the numerous risks taken by Jim Acosta on the front lines as CNN’s Chief White House correspondent.
The Jim Acosta Collector’s Plate, with a watercolor portrait of Jim Acosta.
An autographed copy of Jim Acosta’s book, “The Enemy of the People.” The autograph reads, “To my biggest fan, from your biggest fan. Love, Jim Acosta.”
During Jim Acosta’s acceptance speech, which was printed on the back of The Jim Acosta Commemorative T-Shirt, Jim Acosta recounted being the first-hand witness to some of the most pivotal moments in the history of the United States, like when Jim Acosta yelled super loud at the President of the United States, and that other time when he was called mean names by the President of the United States.
At press time, Jim Acosta was seen filling out a job application for Wendy’s.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."