HOLLYWOOD, CA—Hundreds of Hollywood actors have come forward, vowing to boycott filming in Georgia in favor of places that actually respect human rights and whose values align with theirs, such as the Xinjiang region of China.
Hollywood executives scoured the globe for the best alternative location, ultimately going with China on the recommendation of former actor Mark Hamill. According to Hamill, “After intense reading on Twitter, I’ve learned that in China, there are NO voter ID laws. And guess what, you dumb Republicans – there has never been a single recorded case of fraud! Until Georgia can be a little more like China, we need to do the right thing and make Georgians suffer.”
Beijing has generously offered American companies major tax breaks to come film in the region. Additionally, Xinjiang is ideal for filming scenes set in prisons or labor camps, as China has offered ultra-realistic, pre-built sets for these kinds of scenes. They even come with free actors for use as extras, each of whom has been trained to act like they're being really oppressed.
"One day, when Georgia is more like China, we may return," said Hamill. "But for now, you can look for us in China."
At publishing time, Alyssa Milano had joined the boycott, saying she would not be starring in any movies you have ever heard of until Georgia changes their election laws. "And maybe even for some years after that."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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