NEW YORK, NY—According to sources down by the docks at New York Harbor, a shady figure in a trenchcoat was seen selling fake vaccine passports in the early morning hours today.
"Hey, kid -- wanna buy a passport?" the man said as a boy riding home on his bicycle from a friend's house passed by. "I got real good stuff here, very convincing. You'll be able to go to any bar you want, I promise ya."
"My mom said I wasn't supposed to talk to strangers," the boy said cautiously. "I better go."
"Oh, yeah, very smart, very safe," the man in the trenchcoat said. "You have a good night now, kid. And tell your friends about me -- anyone wants a passport, I've got the connections, ya see?"
A woman who had gotten lost then walked through the alley.
"Heya, toots, what's a nice young lady like you doing out at this hour?" he said as she quickened her pace. "You look like you'd want to fly abroad sometime -- wanna buy a vaccine passport? Only the very best passports from yours truly, honey."
That's when she hit him with the mace.
Undeterred, the man continued to sell passports throughout the night, saying business was going "very well" for him and that he expects this to be a growth market as more and more politicians across the country are pushing for vaccine passport programs.
"The mob hasn't seen this kind of action since Prohibition," he told reporters. "Not that I know anything about the mob. 'Cause when you join, they tell you the first rule is not to talk about the mob. Oh, crap."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
