BURBANK, CA—Ever since the great Heath Ledger played the Joker back in 2008, Warner Bros. has been looking for someone who could live up to his amazing performance. Joaquin Phoenix came close, while Jared Leto, well, didn't.
But the studio believes it has now found the next Joker: Kamala Harris, who has been hired to play the role in the upcoming film The Batman. Producers for the film got the idea while watching a press conference in which Harris was asked about the crisis at the border and responded with a creepy, bone-chilling laugh.
"Her cackle, that dead look in her eye, -- she's perfect," said casting director Harry Flugelman. "I couldn't believe my ears when I heard her laugh -- that's the Joker we've been looking for all these years! Even better than Mark Hamill's voice work in the show and video games. Fantastic stuff, really. This movie is going to make us so much money."
The move wasn't without resistance, however. Many people involved in the film believe that Kamala Harris's take on the character is far too dark, even for DC.
"I know we did the whole murderous Superman and sociopathic Batman thing, but I don't know -- does Kamala Harris take the character to a new, darker place? Is it too much for audiences?" said one writer. "She's just way into the character, even deeper into it than Ledger or Bale were back in the day. It's like, she never takes off this persona of being a psychotic sociopath."
"It's almost too creepy."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Biden prepares to nominate a woman of color to the Supreme Court, he took the time to remind the country that black Justices can be just as smart as rich ones.
"Listen, folks, black Justices can be just as smart, articulate, and clean as the rich ones," said Biden to reporters. "Just because they mostly stock the spaghetti sauce on the shelves in the ladies department of the department store and hang out with bad dudes like Corn Pop doesn't mean they can be judges too! Come on folks! This ain't complicated! If I haven't nominated you for SCOTUS, then you ain't black!"
Biden went on to say that he will choose a SCOTUS Justice based on qualifications, as long as those qualifications belong to someone with very dark skin and a female body.
"Mixed race judges don't qualify," said Biden, insisting they "aren't black enough."
It is so far unclear whether Biden will also nominate black men who identify as women, or whether he knows what a SCOTUS Justice is or even ...
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Beloved Hollywood starlet Peter Dinklage pushed back against Disney’s live-action remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but his efforts seem to have come up short.
“I feel cut off at the legs,” said the Game of Thrones star after hearing Disney’s low decision to keep dwarves in a movie about dwarves. “I expected at least a teeny-weeny concession from Disney; I feel overlooked.”
“Our attempts at inclusion were far from minuscule,” said Disney Chief Inclusion Officer, Lilly Putte. “We consulted with underrepresented communities through every teensy, minute detail, no matter how tiny. To hear Mr. Dinklage get on his soapbox and accuse us of a pint-sized effort, well it feels a wee bit stunted.”
Dinklage, who achieved stardom with a diminutive role in the movie “Elf,” as a man mistaken for an elf, admitted he feels in over his head a little when overshadowed by greedy movie executives.
His experience may be proof that universal inclusion in ...
PORTLAND, OR—Local atheist Marcus Blaine has been wavering in his atheism recently, wondering why good things happen at all. Marcus has found himself asking why he has it so good in what should be a cold, meaningless world that doesn't care whether he suffers or not.
“How could there be no God if so many good things keep happening?” asked Marcus Blaine. “Oh, Science forgive me as I wrestle and doubt. Forgive me for seeing beauty and wonder in a world as if it were designed by a Creator!”
Sources say that Marcus often says that he’s just a random collection of atoms and chemical reactions—that he’s just ‘dancing to his DNA’—but recently he just can’t seem to shake the idea that there’s more to his existence.
“What if it’s all a lie? What if atheism is just made up to make people feel smart and have a false sense of superiority?” Marcus cried out. “I mean obviously we’re just here by random chance, with no benevolent Being watching over us. But then ...
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