HOUSTON, TX—NASA made a surprise announcement this week: It will cease all missions to the planet Mars. This happened after a number of activists pointed out that Mars completely lacks any early voting, raising the specter that any mission to Mars would support voter suppression.
“We here at NASA are in favor of voting rights,” said NASA director and founder Bob NASA. “And we can’t in good conscience work with a planet that doesn’t embrace those rights.”
The move is expected to devastate the Mars economy, which is currently zero but after exploration and colonization could eventually be more than zero. Mars supporters have pointed out that there is no actual record of any voter suppression (or voting) on Mars, but NASA insists that the important thing is that the planet appears to be for the restriction of voting.
"Appearances are what matter most here," said NASA.
Mars had been controversial as a target for exploration from the onset since it is a red planet. NASA is now instead setting its sights on a blue planet, Uranus, and plans to make all future missions there. Uranus is full of gas.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
