U.S.—In a viral moment, Charles Barkley ripped politicians on both sides for creating and exploiting racial division to maintain their money and power. For this, CBS is sending him to racial sensitivity training to be less white.
"Rising above racial division and striving for unity is a common tactic of white supremacy," said CBS HR Director Ventriliqua Hobbs. "It appears Mr. Barkley has been assimilated into a system of whiteness that oppresses black and brown bodies in this country. We have sent him for re-education to help him become an obedient Communist, er-- I mean, anti-racist."
Barkley, in one of his more controversial statements, said "most white and black people are great people", and that "cynical politicians want us to hate each other."
"This is a truly disgusting statement," said Hobbs. "True allies know that hate is the only thing that will allow the oppressed to dismantle the systems of power created by whiteness. It appears that Barkley is just fine with whiteness, and CBS cannot allow someone like that to continue working for us."
Barkley will be sent to a two-week training at Coca-Cola.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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