MIRAMAR, FL—In order to crack down on the growing pandemic of toddlers not wearing masks after takeoff, Spirit Airlines has announced that all aircraft will now be fitted with ejector seats to quickly remove dangerous maskless babies from the plane.
"We're not messing around anymore," said company CEO Edward M. Christie. "We've had it with these uppity passengers and their uppity babies walking on like they own the place."
Sources confirmed that flight attendants will be given big scary red buttons that can eject any passenger at will. Buttons will be used as an enforcement tactic against unmasked children, people who don't put their tray table in the upright and locked position when asked, and orthodox Jews.
Spirit also threatened that those who further refuse to comply will be forced to fly on Spirit Airlines again.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
