It's been a tough year. But hang in there, fellow Christians, for the end is near. Jesus might be coming soon. We've been reading the signs, studying the book of Revelation, and listening to our favorite Calvary Chapel pastors on the radio.
Here are fifteen signs the apocalypse might be happening soon:
1. A TikTok rapper made some Satan shoes -- Seriously-- what happened to the good old days when rappers just did drugs, had sex with strippers, and sang about shooting cops? Never has pop culture stooped so low.
2. Avocado toast? -- It's actually delicious. But it's also stupid. Just like pretty much everything in our culture. It's time for Jesus to return and make everything not stupid again.
3. Joshua Harris is an atheist and Kanye West is a Christian -- Think that's crazy? Mr. T writes better Christian tweets than Tim Keller now.
4. Chick-fil-A has abandoned us -- They were the last bulwark of American Christianity, washed away in a sea of wokeness and wishy-washy corporate lameness. The end is near.
5. The military has gone woke -- Better learn Mandarin now, because that's what all the remaining survivors will be speaking.
6. They made an Aquaman movie and it was pretty good -- How. Like, seriously, how.
7. The Pope might not be Catholic -- Has this ever happened before? Yes? Oh, ok. Nevermind then.
8. Donald Trump was our president and didn't even rank in the bottom half of presidents -- Amazing.
9. They're stamping vaccine passports on our hands and foreheads -- The Left Behind book series tried to warn us about this. But not enough people got the word, since they never finished making the movies. We're doomed.
10. The dolphins have all abandoned Earth -- Safely back on their home planet of EE-ee-ee-ee, they will witness the final destruction of Earth.
11. All the Sesame Street characters have murdered each other in a bloody race war -- Oh-- that hasn't happened yet? Well, stand by.
Things are pretty messed up, and honestly, we're just kinda hoping Jesus comes back soon. At least before Amazon has a chance to completely ruin Lord of the Rings!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Biden prepares to nominate a woman of color to the Supreme Court, he took the time to remind the country that black Justices can be just as smart as rich ones.
"Listen, folks, black Justices can be just as smart, articulate, and clean as the rich ones," said Biden to reporters. "Just because they mostly stock the spaghetti sauce on the shelves in the ladies department of the department store and hang out with bad dudes like Corn Pop doesn't mean they can be judges too! Come on folks! This ain't complicated! If I haven't nominated you for SCOTUS, then you ain't black!"
Biden went on to say that he will choose a SCOTUS Justice based on qualifications, as long as those qualifications belong to someone with very dark skin and a female body.
"Mixed race judges don't qualify," said Biden, insisting they "aren't black enough."
It is so far unclear whether Biden will also nominate black men who identify as women, or whether he knows what a SCOTUS Justice is or even ...
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Beloved Hollywood starlet Peter Dinklage pushed back against Disney’s live-action remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but his efforts seem to have come up short.
“I feel cut off at the legs,” said the Game of Thrones star after hearing Disney’s low decision to keep dwarves in a movie about dwarves. “I expected at least a teeny-weeny concession from Disney; I feel overlooked.”
“Our attempts at inclusion were far from minuscule,” said Disney Chief Inclusion Officer, Lilly Putte. “We consulted with underrepresented communities through every teensy, minute detail, no matter how tiny. To hear Mr. Dinklage get on his soapbox and accuse us of a pint-sized effort, well it feels a wee bit stunted.”
Dinklage, who achieved stardom with a diminutive role in the movie “Elf,” as a man mistaken for an elf, admitted he feels in over his head a little when overshadowed by greedy movie executives.
His experience may be proof that universal inclusion in ...
PORTLAND, OR—Local atheist Marcus Blaine has been wavering in his atheism recently, wondering why good things happen at all. Marcus has found himself asking why he has it so good in what should be a cold, meaningless world that doesn't care whether he suffers or not.
“How could there be no God if so many good things keep happening?” asked Marcus Blaine. “Oh, Science forgive me as I wrestle and doubt. Forgive me for seeing beauty and wonder in a world as if it were designed by a Creator!”
Sources say that Marcus often says that he’s just a random collection of atoms and chemical reactions—that he’s just ‘dancing to his DNA’—but recently he just can’t seem to shake the idea that there’s more to his existence.
“What if it’s all a lie? What if atheism is just made up to make people feel smart and have a false sense of superiority?” Marcus cried out. “I mean obviously we’re just here by random chance, with no benevolent Being watching over us. But then ...
If you value The Babylon Bee and want to bypass the fact checkers who seek to have us deplatformed, please consider becoming a supporter so you can enjoy fake news you can trust.