MENLO PARK, CA—According to reports, personal data from over 500 million Facebook users has been stolen and posted to a hacking website. Facebook quickly issued an apology that the data ended up in hackers' hands for free before they had the chance to sell it.
"Darn, that's a lot of your data we just gave away for free," said Facebook spokesperson Andy Stone. "You people are worth more than that--we're so sorry. Please think about it from our perspective though-- we just lost a ton of potential revenue and political leverage in this hack. Try to have a little sympathy for us too, at least."
Cybersecurity experts say that over 33 million Americans on Facebook now have their personal data available for free on a website where it is easily accessible to identity thieves.
"Even though hackers got your data for nothing, we find all of you users to be valuable and special!" said Stone. "We'll be sure not to give away your data for free next time."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
