WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid growing concerns that record federal spending could cause Americans' hard-earned money to become worthless, Biden announced his new plan that will save everyone and end poverty forever: a one trillion dollar minimum wage.
"Listen, folks, it's real simple. Just give everyone a trillion dollars every hour and they'll have all the money they need!" said Biden to his imaginary friend Toby as they sat down for their nightly viewing of I Love Lucy. "A trillion dollars? Wow, that's a lot of money! You'll be set for life, how about that?"
Expert economists such as Paul Krugman estimate that this new plan will cure poverty, sickness, and death for all eternity. "Only a genius like Biden, or maybe Obama, could think of something like this," said Krugman.
Mega-corporations like McDonald's have applauded the passage of Biden's plan. In honor of the occasion, they are unveiling the new trillion-dollar value menu.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
