WASHINGTON, D.C.—After an uproar from Georgia small businesses over MLB boycotting their state, many are demanding answers from President Biden who allegedly encouraged the boycott.
"Biden never called for a boycott of Georgia," said Psaki. As she spoke, she seemed unaware that the President was standing right behind her holding a large "Boycott Georgia" sign.
"We believe that voting should be so easy that it's basically automatic," continued the Press Secretary. "We don't believe there should be literally any commitment or effort required to vote for your favorite Democrat candidate!"
"We believe that simple, automatic voting will be the best way to ensure we stay in power for 1000 years!" she said as Biden waved the sign back and forth.
Psaki suddenly became aware of Biden's presence when he leaned in to sniff her hair.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."