Here at The Babylon Bee we understand how tricky it can be to pick up your Bible and read it, so that’s why we put together this list to help you out. We’ve scoured the internet and asked the greatest theologians of our day to provide you with only the latest and greatest tips and tricks.
Here are the definitive 7 best tips for reading your Bible:
At any point this week take a seat, open up your Bible, and read it. - Wow! This is big if true. It can’t be that easy, can it?
With your Bible in hand, try opening it and reading the words inside. - We really like this one and it's proven to work every time.
Consider grabbing your Bible, and turning past the front cover, table of contents, and start reading literally any page you’d like. - Do this and you’ll be well on your way to reading your Bible this week.
Click the app on your phone that says Bible and read the words that appear on your screen. - OK, that was weird. It’s like I can read my Bible anywhere now.
Look at and comprehend the meaning of the printed matter in front of you by mentally interpreting the characters or symbols of which the Bible is composed. - Woah! This almost sounds like the definition of reading. You’re doing it!
If any of these get a little too complicated, just fall back to the basics and read your Bible. - This one is a true life saver.
Point your eyeballs at an open Bible and see what it says. - We haven’t tested this one out yet, so try it out and let us know what happens!
Well, we hope this cleared everything up and helped you get through all the necessary steps to read your Bible. It can be really challenging and confusing out there so always remember these helpful pointers!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—AFT President Randi Weingarten spoke out today to clarify that the teachers union official “pro-choice” stance only applies to killing babies, not to parents being able to decide where their children attend school.
The controversy stemmed from a poorly-worded email intended to bolster support for abortion rights among the union’s Democrat base. The email stated, “The right to choose for oneself is a fundamental right of American citizens.” Some union members grew concerned, thinking the choice being referenced was the right of parents to select what school their children attend.
The union issued a swift apology this morning. “To be clear, we were only talking about a woman’s right to choose to kill her unborn child,” Weingarten said. “Once a child is born, we firmly believe that no parent, man or woman, has any right whatsoever to decide where a child attends school.”
Weingarten went on to note that, “in fact, other than abortion and selecting ...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Earlier this week, President Biden was spotted at Home Depot using color swatches to help him choose the next Supreme Court justice.
"Hmmm... should I go with the 'Neutral Tans' or the 'Balmy Browns' Collection?" Biden said to himself.
"Everything is riding on this!"
Store employees report the president was looking through the color swatches for hours, only stopping to eat ice cream. Secret Service agents blocked off the aisle and refused to let other customers shop for their home projects.
Biden reportedly asked an employee for help but the white man was too afraid to risk being accidentally racist.
Home Depot Associate Jake Stone said of his encounter, "He was trying to ask what the best shade of black is for total submissiveness to his progressive executive agenda. At first, I thought he was going to repaint the Oval Office. I told him black wouldn't be great for a room."
"No, for people!" Biden allegedly yelled. "Black people! Come on, man!"
The president ...
BURBANK, CA—Trans woman Amy Schneider's winning streak on Jeopardy has ended. Despite holding the record for Jeopardy’s highest-earning female contestant ever, Schneider was defeated after being confounded by the clue, ‘this gender has two X chromosomes.'
“I knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw the category of ‘Grade School Biology’,” said Schneider. “I avoided the category until the very end, as basic biology has never been my strong suit.”
Many in the audience saw the disaster coming a mile ahead. “What was Amy thinking betting so much in Final Jeopardy under that category?” said Daniele Dacus, a fan of Amy’s. “You never bet that high on such a complicated, theoretical subject, where so little of that field is understood.”
Sources claim that the host even gave a clue that ‘this is one of 2 genders’, but Amy still did not get the question correct. Amy started to answer the question by writing, “What is different and unique to each person based upon...
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