TALLAHASSEE, FL—Florida Governor Ron DeSantis unveiled his brand-new presidential bleached hair and spray tan this week, officially kicking off his campaign to run for president in 2024.
"What are you talking about? This is how I've always looked!" said DeSantis to questioning reporters. "And I don't appreciate it, OK? You are fake news. And frankly, it's disgraceful. Some people might even say you're losers, too. Many people are saying that, anyway. Enemies of the people. Sad."
DeSantis then turned in early to practice his grand accordion hand gestures and say "you are fake news" over and over again to the mirror.
Fans of the governor are saying that he's never looked more presidential than he does now, suggesting he could be a "shoe-in" to win in 2024.
"He's just the candidate we're looking for," said Fudd McGillicutty, Florida man. "For some reason that I can't place my finger on, he makes me feel excitement I haven't felt since 2016!"
DeSantis is currently on the hunt for a mild-mannered Christian governor from the Midwest to serve as his running mate.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Candace Owens Horrified To Learn Christmas Was Started By Birth Of A Jew
The horrified Owens began tearing down all of her Christmas decorations and throwing them out to the curb, disgusted that she had been tricked by a Jewish plot. Lighting her nativity scene on fire, Owens resolved to expose the villainous Christmas plot to her listeners.https://babylonbee.com/news/candace-owens-horrified-to-learn-christmas-was-started-by-birth-of-a-jew
60 Minutes Praises The Galactic Empire's Gun Control Policies
The show's episode featured a hard-hitting investigation into the positive results of the strict anti-gun initiatives enacted by Emperor Palpatine and his governing regime. According to the program's journalists, it is not unreasonable to push for similar policies in the United States.https://babylonbee.com/news/60-minutes-praises-the-galactic-empires-gun-control-policies
Mary Sighs Patiently As Wise Men Begin ‘Mary Did You Know?’ A Capella
Sources close to the exhausted couple spending the night in the stable said the young mother had shown great tolerance in putting up with the chaos of the day that culminated in the birth of her child in an animal pen but showed signs of weariness by the time the Magi began to sing a song that had become a source of irritation for her.https://babylonbee.com/news/mary-sighs-patiently-as-wise-men-begin-mary-did-you-know-a-capella
