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Ron DeSantis Dyes Hair, Gets Spray Tan In Preparation For 2024 Presidential Run

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Florida Governor Ron DeSantis unveiled his brand-new presidential bleached hair and spray tan this week, officially kicking off his campaign to run for president in 2024.

"What are you talking about? This is how I've always looked!" said DeSantis to questioning reporters. "And I don't appreciate it, OK? You are fake news. And frankly, it's disgraceful. Some people might even say you're losers, too. Many people are saying that, anyway. Enemies of the people. Sad."

DeSantis then turned in early to practice his grand accordion hand gestures and say "you are fake news" over and over again to the mirror.

Fans of the governor are saying that he's never looked more presidential than he does now, suggesting he could be a "shoe-in" to win in 2024.

"He's just the candidate we're looking for," said Fudd McGillicutty, Florida man. "For some reason that I can't place my finger on, he makes me feel excitement I haven't felt since 2016!"

DeSantis is currently on the hunt for a mild-mannered Christian governor from the Midwest to serve as his running mate.

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

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Cheer Up, Libs: Here Are 10 Things You Can Still Be Thankful For This Year

There is still time to move to a foreign, socialist country like Canada or California. — Better hurry!

https://babylonbee.com/news/cheer-up-libs-here-are-10-things-you-can-still-be-thankful-for-this-year

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Republican Congressmen Worried Trans Member Might Make Coke Orgies Awkward

"We feel the presence of a biological man pretending to be a woman might make our cocaine-fueled sex parties a little uncomfortable," Senator Mitch McConnell told reporters. "This beloved tradition is a mainstay of the Republican Party and we do not want our hallowed customs ruined by any supposed 'women.' What on earth does that word even mean, anyway? ‘Woman.' Sounds made up."

https://babylonbee.com/news/republican-congressmen-worried-trans-member-might-make-coke-orgies-awkward

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Newly Unearthed Video Shows Hitler Did The Trump Dance

The footage, recovered by German officials while cataloging their archives and converting hard copy files to digital, shows Adolf Hitler dancing at one of his many rallies. He is seen pumping his arms, feet planted firmly in place, while his body sways gently back and forth in time to the anthem "Horst-Wessel-Lied."

https://babylonbee.com/news/new-video-shows-hitler-did-the-trump-dance

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