TALLAHASSEE, FL—Florida Governor Ron DeSantis unveiled his brand-new presidential bleached hair and spray tan this week, officially kicking off his campaign to run for president in 2024.
"What are you talking about? This is how I've always looked!" said DeSantis to questioning reporters. "And I don't appreciate it, OK? You are fake news. And frankly, it's disgraceful. Some people might even say you're losers, too. Many people are saying that, anyway. Enemies of the people. Sad."
DeSantis then turned in early to practice his grand accordion hand gestures and say "you are fake news" over and over again to the mirror.
Fans of the governor are saying that he's never looked more presidential than he does now, suggesting he could be a "shoe-in" to win in 2024.
"He's just the candidate we're looking for," said Fudd McGillicutty, Florida man. "For some reason that I can't place my finger on, he makes me feel excitement I haven't felt since 2016!"
DeSantis is currently on the hunt for a mild-mannered Christian governor from the Midwest to serve as his running mate.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Pete Hegseth Celebrates Confirmation With Epic Keg Stand
After a contentious confirmation process replete with accusations of drinking on the job, Hegseth unwound from the stressful process by doing an incredible handstand atop a keg of Coors Original while guzzling beer from the tap.https://babylonbee.com/news/pete-hegseth-celebrates-confirmation-with-epic-keg-stand
Pete Hegseth Says All Women In The Military Are Now Nurses And Have To Wear Those Hot Matching Outfits Like In WW2
"This is the kind of military that defeated the Axis powers - a military where women were nurses, and they had hot matching outfits," explained Hegseth. "We are going to bring back what made the United States Armed Forces the best in the world, and that starts with women being nurses and wearing those weirdly sexy dresses."
On-screen Message Warns Viewers This Disney Movie Was Made During A Time When People Weren't Babies Who Got Offended By Everything
"These movies were made in a different culture," explained streaming executive Ross Denison. "Before viewing, each family needs to be made aware that the culture these films were created in did not contain wussy little snowflakes who got their baby feelings hurt about everything. The family can then make the decision for themselves if they are comfortable viewing content from a time back when people were not completely pathetic."
