TALLAHASSEE, FL—Florida Governor Ron DeSantis unveiled his brand-new presidential bleached hair and spray tan this week, officially kicking off his campaign to run for president in 2024.
"What are you talking about? This is how I've always looked!" said DeSantis to questioning reporters. "And I don't appreciate it, OK? You are fake news. And frankly, it's disgraceful. Some people might even say you're losers, too. Many people are saying that, anyway. Enemies of the people. Sad."
DeSantis then turned in early to practice his grand accordion hand gestures and say "you are fake news" over and over again to the mirror.
Fans of the governor are saying that he's never looked more presidential than he does now, suggesting he could be a "shoe-in" to win in 2024.
"He's just the candidate we're looking for," said Fudd McGillicutty, Florida man. "For some reason that I can't place my finger on, he makes me feel excitement I haven't felt since 2016!"
DeSantis is currently on the hunt for a mild-mannered Christian governor from the Midwest to serve as his running mate.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
