MINNEAPOLIS, MN—As the Derek Chauvin trial continues, many Minneapolis business owners are preparing for the worst. Some are boarding up their windows, while others are just going ahead and smashing their own windows to get it over with already.
But one business owner, Michael Foster, had a different idea: he began decorating the windows of his shop, cleverly disguising the designer shoe store to make it look as though it had already been looted.
"Now, when rioters come through here at the end of the trial, they'll think it's already been looted and move on," Foster said as he applied some more bullet hole decals to one of his windows. "There. Perfect. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference between this place and the Nike Store last summer if your life depended on it."
Foster even put a brick through his window, though it was just a prop like one of those fake half-baseballs people put on their car's rear window so you know they like sports.
Other business owners have caught on to Foster's idea and begun to do the same thing.
"Last summer I tried putting up a sign saying 'This is a black-owned business, please no looting,'" said Charlie Atlas of Atlas Books. "But that didn't work. Luckily, though, they didn't take any books for some reason. This time, I'm going to try Michael's approach and just make it look like all the good stuff is already gone."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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