The Babylon Bee
Comedy • News • Culture
Fake news you can trust.
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
Biden Claims Anyone Can Go To A Gun Show And Buy A Nuclear Missile With No Background Check

WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a press conference today in which President Biden announced new executive action on gun control, he made an emotional plea to Americans, making his case that the action was needed.

In particular, he claimed that gun shows are "free-for-alls" where anyone can just go in and pick up a nuclear missile.

"Anybody can just walk right into a gun show and pick up an intercontinental ballistic missile, no questions asked," Biden said. "Back in my day, we would play with nuclear missiles with the neighborhood kids. One time, we nuked this poor kid off the face of the planet. It was hilarious. You should have seen the look on his face."

"But it's a different time now, and nukes do not belong in the hands of civilians." Libertarians everywhere quickly slammed Biden for this comment, pointing out that owning nuclear weapons is constitutionally protected.

Fact-checkers said they would have checked Biden's statement, but they were all coincidentally having lunch during his press conference. They have promised to fact-check him next time.

post photo preview
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
What else you may like…
Videos
Posts
🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals