WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Constitution has come forward to accuse Joe Biden of a brutal assault, alleging that the president has maintained an abusive relationship with the document for decades.
"I can no longer remain silent," the document said after Biden tried to cancel the Second Amendment yesterday. "It took me some time to come to terms with what was happening to me. In public, President Biden pretends to have a healthy relationship with me, but behind the scenes, he was dismantling me piece by piece. But after what happened yesterday, the mask finally came off and I realized I had to come forward."
With tears in its i's, the Constitution said it is just happy that it can finally tell its story.
"Me too," it said. "Me. Too."
This isn't the first instance of allegations made by our nation's founding document, as it has claimed varying degrees of abuse at the hands of 45 other presidents and thousands of congresspeople, senators, and Supreme Court justices.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."