WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Constitution has come forward to accuse Joe Biden of a brutal assault, alleging that the president has maintained an abusive relationship with the document for decades.
"I can no longer remain silent," the document said after Biden tried to cancel the Second Amendment yesterday. "It took me some time to come to terms with what was happening to me. In public, President Biden pretends to have a healthy relationship with me, but behind the scenes, he was dismantling me piece by piece. But after what happened yesterday, the mask finally came off and I realized I had to come forward."
With tears in its i's, the Constitution said it is just happy that it can finally tell its story.
"Me too," it said. "Me. Too."
This isn't the first instance of allegations made by our nation's founding document, as it has claimed varying degrees of abuse at the hands of 45 other presidents and thousands of congresspeople, senators, and Supreme Court justices.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
