WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Constitution has come forward to accuse Joe Biden of a brutal assault, alleging that the president has maintained an abusive relationship with the document for decades.
"I can no longer remain silent," the document said after Biden tried to cancel the Second Amendment yesterday. "It took me some time to come to terms with what was happening to me. In public, President Biden pretends to have a healthy relationship with me, but behind the scenes, he was dismantling me piece by piece. But after what happened yesterday, the mask finally came off and I realized I had to come forward."
With tears in its i's, the Constitution said it is just happy that it can finally tell its story.
"Me too," it said. "Me. Too."
This isn't the first instance of allegations made by our nation's founding document, as it has claimed varying degrees of abuse at the hands of 45 other presidents and thousands of congresspeople, senators, and Supreme Court justices.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
