WASHINGTON, D.C.—Old President Racist has struck again, announcing that he’s writing executive orders to put up more barriers for Americans to exercise their Constitutional rights.
“What we need is to make it harder for ‘those people’ to get a gun,” said President Joe Biden racistly. “You know what people I mean,” Biden added with a racist wink.
With the executive order, in order to exercise a constitutional right, people will have to show a photo ID -- the most racist form of ID there is. People will also have to undergo background checks, even though many disadvantaged people out in rural areas are unable to afford a background. “Please show me your background so I can check it,” they’ll hear when they go to purchase a firearm, and when they say they don’t have a background, they’ll be told, “Then get out of here! We don’t serve your kind!”
The very thought of this is said to make Biden laugh in the most racist of ways.
Republicans, who love all people of all colors, are opposed to this. “We know two things about President Biden,” said Senator Mitch McConnell. “We know he is very old and very racist. Oh, we also know his name is Joe. That’s the third thing. Doesn’t really add anything to the discussion, though.”
Republicans say they’ll appeal this to the Supreme Court, which is always foiling Biden’s many, many racist schemes.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
