WASHINGTON, D.C.—Old President Racist has struck again, announcing that he’s writing executive orders to put up more barriers for Americans to exercise their Constitutional rights.
“What we need is to make it harder for ‘those people’ to get a gun,” said President Joe Biden racistly. “You know what people I mean,” Biden added with a racist wink.
With the executive order, in order to exercise a constitutional right, people will have to show a photo ID -- the most racist form of ID there is. People will also have to undergo background checks, even though many disadvantaged people out in rural areas are unable to afford a background. “Please show me your background so I can check it,” they’ll hear when they go to purchase a firearm, and when they say they don’t have a background, they’ll be told, “Then get out of here! We don’t serve your kind!”
The very thought of this is said to make Biden laugh in the most racist of ways.
Republicans, who love all people of all colors, are opposed to this. “We know two things about President Biden,” said Senator Mitch McConnell. “We know he is very old and very racist. Oh, we also know his name is Joe. That’s the third thing. Doesn’t really add anything to the discussion, though.”
Republicans say they’ll appeal this to the Supreme Court, which is always foiling Biden’s many, many racist schemes.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."