FLATWOODS, KY—According to sources, local 7-year-old Bella McClusky recently got a brand new toy from her Grandmother. After only 5 minutes of playing with her new toy, she reportedly got bored and elected instead to watch other people play with the exact same toy on YouTube.
"I don't get it," said Bella's confused Dad, John McClusky. "She just got this new toy, but all she wants to do is watch hours of people unboxing the toy she just unboxed, followed by hours of people playing with the toy she just played with. You know, back in my day..." Mr. McClusky said before the interviewer lost interest and walked away.
McClusky relented and allowed his daughter to watch YouTube, which gave him some free time to watch several YouTube videos about the lawnmower he just purchased.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
