LOS ANGELES, CA—In a touching act of compassion, local good Samaritan Chad Paulson saw a man being oppressed by a police officer and immediately rushed over to loot a local Target.
"It's what I'd expect anyone else with any kind of sense of right and wrong to do for me," Paulson told reporters as he ransacked the Lego section of the store, snagging a sweet new TIE fighter model and a Harry Potter set. "When we see oppression and injustice in this world, we can't sit idly by and do nothing. We must take action, find the nearest Target, Nike store, or GameStop, and loot in his name."
"For justice!" he added as he stormed the video game section.
Prior to Paulson helping the man by looting the Target store, two others had passed by. The first man, a Republican, had said "let's wait for the facts to come out" and continued walking. The second man, a libertarian, told the black man to keep shouting "Am I being detained!?" and the cop would get so annoyed he'd just let him go, and then he kept on walking, crossing to the other side of the street.
But finally, the good Samaritan arrived, and the oppressed man knew he was saved, since Paulson got some cool Legos, a washing machine, a PS5, and some expensive new Nikes.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
