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Report: Biden Infrastructure Plan Now Includes $300 Million To Bail Out Essential Looters

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to reports, the latest draft of President Biden's $2.3 trillion infrastructure plan includes $300 million to bail out essential looters.

'Looters who loot for social justice are a proud part of the American tradition," said Vice President Kamala Harris. "Looters are essential. Looters are valuable. Looters are infrastructure. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Sources on Capitol Hill say the bill will set the money aside to post bail for imprisoned looters who burn businesses, loot expensive liquor, and terrorize innocent civilians, as long as they are doing it for social justice, and not doing any of those things in the Capitol Building.

"Say it with me: LOOTERS. ARE. INFRASTRUCTURE," said Harris.

Those drafting the bill say that any money not used to bail out rioters will be allocated to help BLM's founder Patrisse Cullors buy another mansion.

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

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The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

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February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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