It's 2021, so by now, you should realize Christianity is all about social justice and liberating those kept down by white patriarchial cis-normative systems of oppression. Jesus said it best when he uttered the timeless command: "Go forth into all the nations, and loot them until they become Socialists."
But Jesus wasn't the only one! There are a ton of great examples of heavenly wokeness in the scriptures. Here are the top 10.
Lucifer - He rebelled against the original patriarch and liberated himself. The original woke hero!
Eve - Lucifer's first student, she founded the women's liberation movement. Ain't no one gonna tell her what to do! You go, girl!
Pharaoh of Egypt - He set up hundreds of compassionate reproductive healthcare facilities in urban Hebrew areas to help them take care of their firstborns.
Onan - Pioneered birth control. We'll leave it at that. Go ask your parents.
Jezebel - She hunted down crazy prophets who were spreading a ton of fake news.
Pharisees - They pioneered the enforcement of strict social distancing laws. Way to go, guys!
The robbers who beat up the traveler in the story of the good Samaritan - They were just protesting their oppression. We applaud their bravery.
The prodigal son - At least until he chickened out and came back to his overbearing dad.
The Antichrist - A dedicated globalist hero who pioneers tracking technology for everyone’s safety.
The harlot riding the beast - Refused to be slut-shamed. Slay queen!
The Bible is just filled with heroes to emulate! Now go forth, and be woke!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
